How to make the most out of a breakup
Updated: Nov 19
I am writing this post today heartbroken and confused and assume many of you reading this are feeling the same way. They say misery loves company right? Is it just me or does seeing others feeling the same way you do, make you feel just a tiny bit better? I am still hurting but I am also finally starting to gain a sense of clarity that I wanted to share. First let me give you a little back story. About a year and a half ago my now ex-boyfriend and I began hanging out, we had an instant connection and it was incredibly easy to fall fast and hard. Within a few months of dating we were already in love. My family fell in love with him as quickly as I did and everything in my life began to revolve around him. He really was amazing and still is, despite how things ended. I depended on him for so many things, one very major one being my happiness. This was one of my first mistakes and made the breakup all that much harder. YOU DO NOT NEED ANYONE ELSE TO BE HAPPY! Yes, the person you are with should make you happy, but you should also be able to make yourself happy. It took several mental breakdowns and sleepless nights to realize this. I know I have my fair share of struggles and have dealt with anxiety and depression for years now. So I always thought having someone special in my life that loved me despite all that would make me happy. And it did… until it ended and there I was devastated thinking I just lost the love of my life and struggling to remember a time before him. It may seem like your ex is the only person that can pull you back up and make you happy again, but this is not the case. This is something we need to be able to do on our own. And lets not forget they are the ones that hurt us to begin with, so why would we even want them to lift us back up? I am sure I am not the only one who has experienced this. Heartbreak is honestly one of the worst feelings in the entire world, especially when we thought that person was going to be our forever. But I promise lots of good can come out of this. This is the moment I am realizing I am better than this and you are too. Here are the steps I am taking to move on and make the most out of this situation.
After the initial shock died down, I realized the only way I can go from here is up. I will only start to feel better if I let myself. Even though it may not seem like it, cutting contact will help with feeling better. Its okay if you have already slipped up and reached out, just don't do it again. I know I am guilty of this, it is so hard to go from talking 24/7 to nothing. Trust me I know, but we also need to heal from this. Whether your goal is to get them back or to move on with your life, keeping in contact will not help. So take this time to focus solely on yourself, do all the things you always said you would, but never made the time for. This is my first task on my journey to being healed. This does not mean I forgot about my ex and stopped thinking about him, missing him, and loving him. Cause this is something that is not happening anytime soon and I am okay with that. But I also know the only way I am going to make it hurt a little less is through distractions. When I got into a relationship, I got so consumed with my boyfriend and all the amazing things we were doing together that I put several of my friends on the backburner. This was not okay and I am realizing that now. I now have the opportunity to mend the relationships with the ones around me that love me unconditionally. It took me taking a step back to really appreciate the value of spending time with family and friends outside of the relationship. You need to make sure you have your own life above all. Before my ex and I got together I used to work out everyday, it wasn’t exactly his fault that I fell off the wagon, it was more COVID-19’s fault. But I am going to get back on that wagon. Working out releases endorphins that improve your mood and your mood will improve even more when you start to love what you see in the mirror. This is going to be a major focus for me, I have always been self-conscious so improving my physical fitness will make me feel better in more ways than one. I also love to travel and hike, which is something I did with my ex quiet often, so I am going to give it a go by myself. It may take awhile to get used to doing things by yourself and to be okay with being alone. But all we can do is try, try to find new things to do or do the things you used to do together, alone. It might be hard at first but I truly believe these things will eventually make us happy again and we will learn how to be okay on our own.
Another important thing to remember here is that you can not erase your ex from your life. Whether the relationship was good, bad or indifferent it happened and that is something that cannot be changed. I know this is the complete opposite opinion of what many others will tell you. I mean how many times have you heard of people breaking up and immediately deleting every picture and throwing away all the physical things that remind them of that person? This will not work, you can destroy all of the physical memories you want, but the ones that hurt the most will always be there. Those are the memories we keep in our head. And the truth of the matter is we really never know what life will bring. Why destroy memories that were so good, I am not saying to keep them forever. Obviously we wouldn't want to have a phone or a box full of memories with someone else when we start a new relationship. But just hang on to them a bit, remember the good times. And if the universe somehow brings the two of you back together you will be happy that you still have all of these beautiful parts of your relationship saved.
Now I could sit here and wallow in sadness until he comes back and you could too. But why not actually work on ourselves for once. We can learn to be happy on our own like we were before we met our ex. If it was meant to be, it will be and he will come back and fight for it. And if its not meant to be then this was just a learning experience that led to something or someone even greater. All we can do is better ourselves and come out of this stronger than we were before. There are so many things to be learned from a breakup. It can be very difficult to see the silver lining behind all the pain, but you are the only person that can pick yourself back up. You have to allow yourself to feel your feelings, all the sadness and heartbreak, but also allow yourself to grow. YOU are the only person that can make yourself happy again and until you realize that, you will not be growing and you will not be moving forward with your life. Don’t let this breakup consume. I know all of this is easier said than done, and I am still trying to convince my own self everyday that it will get better. Right now I'm not so sure I believe it. But if you tell yourself everyday it will get better, and you actively do things to better yourself, then there is no way it can't get better. If he doesn't see your worth that is his loss, but I promise you someone will see and appreciate you for all you are. We all deserve an unconditional love and someone that is willing to fight for us.